hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
