Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Im part way to drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
