I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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