I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
