tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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