I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
