and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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