how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
