we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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