i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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