Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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