you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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