She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm at about main and main street
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I just sharted jello shots
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
