I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All the doctor said was why
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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