If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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