You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
