Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
