I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
