He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
