hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize