he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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