The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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