A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
