I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize