You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
