Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
