i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
