Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
