we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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