We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
