we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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