im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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