Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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