Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
