new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
