That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
please come you make the beer taste better
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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