You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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