she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
