i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
