I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
