So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
