taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
