oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
