Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
