guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
