Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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