those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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