You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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