Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
please come you make the beer taste better
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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