I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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