Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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