Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
