I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
