am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
