Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize