We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
