I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
