i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
