I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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