i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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