So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
