me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
