I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
