Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
