u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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