my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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